finding neverland...

it needs to get started form some certain point though..like right here, right now! need to be brave and crazy..eternity lays down in front of me and it is the time for leaving as far as im able to go .. even without thinking where and how! without knowing who you are gonna meet...a new season comes upon me as you can feel it..something has to change..yeah you feel and foreseen these kinda stuff sometimes without knowing how.. then everything changes instantly and you are not capable of understanding it how...and also you change as well...you find yourself while you are searching for the "new". something "new" that you dont even know anything about.. the only thing you know is that you want "to be happy". you find yourself while you are searching for the "happiness". the thing teasing you, is not that or this play of the other person but the play of that person which is playing for "you". it starts with a little glance, light upon you..his/her smile, the little tatoo on the left wrist, long fingers and indeed the chicness. you get distracted or you point allof your attention on him/her..something has changed, you feel it! you are a perfectionist! " i got it at the first sight!", "his/her moves tell everything about him/her" that you keep saying...you smile skittishly, not able to say anything. as the season changes you only want to get the utmost enjoyement out of this change... "what a beautiful thing the happiness is" that you think of.. well everybody loves a happy ending!

flowing

 i dont know anything about you but ive decided to be lucid and flow like water, meeting with other water flows and getting bigger and bigger and wave and owerflow..i've been thniking alot lately and getting over the harsh times more easily..Am i alone in the crowd, with my friends, with my lovers? i've been wounded spiritually 2 years ago...i never shut up but go on singing, living...but im making short sentences anymore, all i hate and all i love are with me? i accepted everything the way they are, im going for tomorrows...im looking at the mirror everynight and im ok but tired a bit...i thank to everyone in my life and everything ive lived..im becoming more mature with you.

TOY...

hmmm... yeah.. everything is in our hands like we can do everything we want..but we always miss the chances because of pure cowardice and this is a well known truth. but there is something to be curious about: "of what people are afraid most?"... i guess, above all the things, we are mostly afraid of getting a new step in life, saying something new to our very own self... but i guess i am talking too much idly and thats why i cant find anytime to do something else. no wait! not like that! it should have been said like this: "im talking idly because i have nothing to do"..i learned how to talk nonsense by laying on my bed at the corner of my room and thinking foolishly for the last couple of months. so why am i leaving now? like i am able to leave like this? is my behaviour serious? NOT AT ALL! that is to say im consoling myself with a foolish dream. a toy...yes..i guess its a toy...

its a mad world! and im sucking the madness in...

for some of us, its so different that what we have and what we want from this life. we are bounded by other peoples boundries...you want to love somebody, but that somebody lives far far away. he says he'll never forget you but what if you want to forget him? is it you who make this world so big that you cant reach who you want to or the world is so crowded that you cant find a way to who you love?

you lie to yourself.you like to be lied to because its easier to live with lies that keeps you up with the life.. no! you are not real! and you cant save yourself, you dont know how to tread yourself, never was and never will be...

you are all in this circle or out but what if your head is out while your body in? you only console yourself with the songs you are listening to now. you make silly, utopic decisions, you think you are strong enough to achieve them...no, you are a liar! you only can trick yourself! those dreams are lies, those decisions are fake..here another song: are you there? are you watching me? they say you are here every moment..stay here...why is it so hard? why dont you just take me? before you fade completely!

no, you are not even trying to come to a conclusion so dont do it! because they are fake...just consoling yourself

what you should do is to lie to yourself that you are strong like you have to be..you can do whatever you want, like you need to..you can change the facts, you can change yourself like ur changing clothes, can you change this lie?

before believing in yourself you believe in god..why? because you are weak...those lies are becoming your god! lol.. dont mind yourself! you are just bulshiting, rubbishing this world, you are mocking on yourself...you are the devil! you are poisoning your soul by those foolish dreamsand lies and people around you...

to be honest...you dont really care! you've seen it all, you had the best dreams, best lives...alright its another morning after a sleepless night again and you are thinking again as noone does, as noone is capable of..you keep thinking on your evil plans through the nights, you are dreaming evil and all those other good creatures are preventing your evil plans and dreams to come true...as long as those good creatures continue existing on earth you are gonna fail...

you should go slowly because they fall behind you they cant catch you...time after time...

all those infatuations, passions you have dont even exist in reality. you create such a world to yourself that you cant get out of it anymore, you got stuck in it!

confusion will be your end..and you'll be crying again and again till those tears are not gonna be teared out of lies..

dont sleep! drink coffee light a cigarette and continue lying because when you fell asleep you woke up into the reality in your dreams..keep struggling on and on till you feed your hunger..you will never be strong or good enough to rise above. you are gonna stay where you are right now and continue lying a.k.a dreaming...

yeah! everything is in your hands like you can do whatever you like to do, but you always miss the chances because of pure cowardice and this is a well known truth! no! wait...im not gonna direct you, go on being a coward, whatever you like to be...but ı guess you are talking too much idly thats why you cant find anytime to do something else...no! wait...it should have been said like this: "I" am thinking idly because "I" have nothing to do..."I" learned how to talk nonsense by laying on "my" bed at the corner of "my" room for the last a couple of months, thinking foolishly..

so why am "I" leaving now? like "I" am able to leave like this..is "my" attitude serious? no..not at all!that is to say "I" a consoling "myself" with an evil dream...

a toy..yes..a toy!